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Some important resolutions for newly-estranged people

This is the time when everyone is making New Year’s resolutions. If you’re recently separated or divorced, just making the resolutions is an important step. Doing your best to keep them can help make the new year a happier and healthier one for you and your children. They can also set you on the road to having a healthy relationship with your ex.

It’s important to live in the present. It’s easy to look back and dwell on the things that your ex did to you. Many people also berate themselves for what they believe they did wrong or how they could have saved the relationship. That does no one any good. Focus on making the most of the life ahead of you.

Many of us are taught that focusing on ourselves is selfish. However, this is often a healthy thing after a break-up. Chances are, you’ve spent the past months or years worrying about how to save your relationship and make your spouse happy. Now, take some time to focus on what you need and what makes you happy. That can be anything from taking some new classes at the gym to doing volunteer work to learning a new language for a future trip abroad.

The new year is a time when many people resolve to take control of their finances. This is particularly essential if you’re newly-single. Take stock of all of your assets, including retirement accounts and investments, create a budget and make sure that you have savings set aside for emergencies. This is vital for the divorce process, if you haven’t already begun it, to determine what assets are yours and what you need to live on.

Don’t hesitate to ask for help. A divorce is one of the most significant life events that people can go through. Reach out to supporting family and friends and/or to a therapist to help you deal with this change in your life.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly if you have children, find a way to deal respectfully and kindly with your ex-spouse. Unless it’s a situation where there was abuse towards you and/or your children, it’s important to find a way to deal amicably with your co-parent. If you have negative feelings toward him or her, vent them to a therapist, your attorney or family and friends, but not to or in front of your children.

Source: Huffington Post, “9 New Year’s Resolutions for the Newly Divorced,” Nicole Gussick, Divorce Magazine, Dec. 30, 2015

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